I’m going to pull an Elle Wood’s in Legally Blonde for a moment. Do you remember in the scene where she discovers that Warner’s new fiancé is called “Pookie,” and that was Elle’s nickname by Warner when they were together? Now imagine if you’re the character of Elle and how that feels when somebody you invested your time with for years calls somebody by the same name they called you during your relationship. Even if you are completely over that person, it doesn’t mean that it won’t sting a little bit because that was something that you each held for both of you. It was a particular term of endearment that you cherished. I’ve experienced some of that behavior, and it hurts when you realize that your former significant other replaced you not only with the words they said to you but replaced with lookalikes. Psychologically learning that information played a little bit of a game with my mind. Part of me was angry that he was referring to her with the same sentences he referred to me, and the knowledge hurt because that was a part of my past that he ripped away by making me think that our time together meant nothing.
Then I started thinking about it in a different type of mentality. When people do that kind of behavior, it usually isn’t a reflection on you; it’s a reflection on them. It generally means several different things, but originality is not one. When I started feeling down about what I learned, I remembered that some people continue patterns and never learn from their mistakes. The thing is that when people use phrases that they used in other relationships, the relationships begin to lose effectiveness because you start to see that person has no intention of changing for the better. And then I was reminded that his actions are those of a narcissist.
While researching, I learned that a narcissist would repeat similar cycles with each new intimate partner. They will differ from relationship to relationship because the partner is unique and different from the last one. The patterns remain consistent, but the partners are not the same people. I learned from this research that narcissists would continue to conduct themselves in the same way, every time barring the partner’s quirks. They have no desire to learn or reflect upon the reasons and rationales of their last relationship and what their part in it might have been. Everything is always somebody else’s fault, and they can’t accept responsibility for any of their actions. They refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing, which means that the same cycles will inevitably repeat themselves, and that person will continue to be oblivious and blindsided by their own proud and high-and-mighty attitudes. The only way that that behavior will change is if they learn humility. Tim McGraw did a song about always “Be Humble and Kind.” For a true narcissist to learn from his mistakes or mistakes, they need to be humble because then they can change the destructive patterns in their life. Many sites talk about narcissists and their behaviors online, but one of the places where I found my information on my information was http://www.healthline.com.
As I thought about what the article mentioned about why the person does the things they do, it made me remember why I moved on with my life. I have the power to control what does and doesn’t affect me, and yes, the effects may last for the first few minutes, but after I had time to process what I saw. All kinds of psychological explanations went through my mind because the more we all study psychology, the more we learn that there are reasons people do the things they do. The things that he does do stem from a narcissistic personality. Some of his behavior even goes into sociopathic. But because I am not certified in that area, I don’t have the right to diagnose him. I can research the symptoms and see what things tell me online that he may suffer from, but that doesn’t mean that he is diagnosed with all it means is that there are similarities involved.
I am far from perfect. I make so many mistakes, and I own them. Sometimes I’m a little too open about what I do with my life to the point that it could affect me job-wise. If it does, I can only try to learn from those mistakes. I also believe that if you are so secretive about everything, not only do you not continue to grow very well, but your ability to help others along the way begins to diminish. I had an Uncle who died not too long ago and retired from the army. He was a hard man to know. Yet he worked with special needs kids for much of his adult life and was thoroughly revered by those he taught. If I learned anything from him, it was to learn how to stand on my own feet and not let anyone make me feel inferior.
So if somebody is using phrases that hurt you and that they are comparing you to other people, remember it is not about you; it’s about them. Their narcissist behavior does not reflect who you are or even who you need to be. It demonstrates their insecurity and ability not to move forward because they are too busy replacing you with a clone. The chances are high that they had the best and let it go, and now they’re doing everything they can to hold on to whatever semblance they can of that reality. Don’t give them more than just a few moments, though, and then brush it off. I chose to write about this today because I feel I’m not the only one who’s had this issue pop up. Here are some of the signs and symptoms of a narcissistic personality disorder. If you know someone who falls in this category, you might want to figure out ways to get out of the toxicity.
Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder
- Grandiose sense of self-importance.
- Lives in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur.
- Needs constant praise and admiration.
- Sense of entitlement.
- Exploits others without guilt or shame.
- Frequently demeans, intimidates, bullies, or belittles others
I spoke with a couple of friends, who admitted they had dealt with some of the same issues. One of them asked me to write about it because people don’t always discuss issues that bother them. If you see someone on social media or out in public flaunting their happiness, remember that it isn’t something you can control with the other person. You don’t have to let it ruin your happiness or make you feel that you made poor choices. Narcissists are more common than all of us might like to think about because it hits close to home for too many people. Learn the signs of narcissism and don’t let their actions decide your future or happiness. Live your lives for true happiness. We are only here for a short time on earth. Make the most of it and see your dreams come to fruition. Have a great weekend, everyone.