Dealing with Betrayal

One of the hardest things in life is the betrayal by people we never thought we would be. We might swear upside down that somebody would have our back, and the next thing we know, we’re pulling knives out of our backs. I remember relationships in which some of my closest so-called girlfriends swore allegiance to me, and the next thing I knew, they were conniving behind my back for different things. One of them was trying to seduce my significant other and eventually succeeded, and others were so busy trying to split us up that they made no secret that they were out for blood. One of the hardest things I ever had to deal with was figuring out who true friends were versus those who were using me for their gain.

Sunday night, one of my closest friends called and told me about a betrayal in his life. My heart ached for him. Someone he looked at as a brother had gotten involved with his now ex-girlfriend. Both of them had been behind his back and were now flaunting their relationship in other areas. One of the things that betrayal does is make you evaluate your friendships and what you’re doing to attract those kinds of scenarios. To start recovering from the betrayal, you need to figure out your emotions. The most common one is anger because when you get betrayed by somebody, your first reaction is something to the effect of “how dare they how could they karma is a bitch.” And while that is a very accurate assessment, it doesn’t make the pain go away any faster.

Another emotion you might wrestle with is sadness because this is a relationship you have to grieve. Not only do you have to deal with betrayal, but the person that you confided in is no longer in the picture, so you don’t have that outlet to vent. If anything, you might regret a future not having that person in your life, which can be overwhelming at various points in your life.   times.

When betrayal occurs, it can also cause an element of fear. You don’t know the consequences of that betrayal, and you don’t see what the fallout will be with your friends or people you have confided in along the way. You don’t know if that person will do more harm to you professionally and personally. This overwhelming fear factor can be a fair factor giving you a false sense of security.

And then that feeling of disgust starts to take over because the anger level boils so much that just the thought of that person beginning to disgusts you. They make you not want to think about them without your stomach-churning.

Shame is another emotion that you might feel overwhelmed by because you might blame yourself for not seeing the red flags about that person. Maybe you didn’t recognize what other people might have noticed that individual and what they may have thought. Sometimes, when we overanalyze everything, we find that we’re not doing ourselves a favor. It’s healthy to go through this cycle of emotions when somebody betrays you because there are a ton of emotions that circle inside your system and the most significant thing you have to do is figure out how to handle them. Loneliness and confusion will be an issue for you at times because you may go through cycles where you wonder why you can’t understand why it happens, and you don’t know how to talk to others because you don’t think they’ll understand. All of these things are normal, and they’re essential to identify and process what’s happening at any given time. They don’t have to happen in any sequential order. 

As you go through these emotions, I hope you can keep a clear head at least as much as possible and not retaliate. Maybe you need to take some time away or talk to a third party, but whatever you do, don’t retaliate because that could backfire on you big time. There are always reasons why people do hurtful things. It might help you figure out how and why this betrayal came about. You might ask if it was a deliberate conscious act, carelessness, or caused by weakness? Sometimes we say and do things in a split second and instantly regret it.

Find healthy ways to deal with the betrayal. If you supply your weaknesses with alcohol, drugs, excessive spending, or anything else that could be considered an addiction, you’re just trading one set of problems for another. Sometimes you need to examine the relationships around you and decide for yourself if those relationships are worth keeping or not. Everything boils down to what you’re comfortable with within the long run. My friend tried to talk to the man who caused all the conflict, but that man ignored his phone calls and wouldn’t talk to him. When you can’t get another person to speak with you about why they did what they did, walk away because if that individual doesn’t speak with you at all, then they’re not worth your energy. But if they are open to a conversation, it will help both of you in the long run because by getting all the cards on the table, you might gain insight into why they did what they did. Start sentences with an eye and try to stick to the facts saying that I felt shocked and angry when you are better than saying you betrayed me.

Be specific about the issue, and don’t just ramble off emotions. And finally, cut ties with repeat offenders. I have a saying that if somebody fools me once, it’s a shame on me, fool me twice, shame on them, fool me three times, and I deserve what I get, so I’m all about second chances, but if somebody is not remorseful for their part and things then there’s only so many times, I’ll get burned. As you’re healing, start reflecting on yourself and learn about how you might have been able to respond to the betrayal. Be realistic about the relationship; don’t try to make excuses for something if you know that there were red flags all along. Grieve it because you will regret it down the road if you don’t. Learn to forgive that other person eventually because if you keep holding on to that anger and bitterness, it will eat away at you, and you won’t ever be able to heal. Once you start by taking care of yourself, it may sound like a cliché, but in the long run, it’s essential. 

I hope none of you have to deal with a betrayal, but you are not alone if you do. Many people are walking that walk right now or have walked it in the past. Some of these tips that I gave you are from life experience, and others are from the Internet to get helpful tips to deal with some of the drama and the heartache. I found some of this information on I don’t know what all the solutions are, but I know that you will go through different things in your lives. I have no idea what those things are, but I have a strong feeling that many of you will deal with your own set of betrayals somewhere down the line. I hope you can find the inner peace you need if you do. If you find yourself needing to get professional help, please do so. I hope today’s block helps you understand that you’re not alone. Have a great day, everyone.

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