When Unlawful Wrongdoings Hits too Close to Home

I don’t think there’s a day that any of us can go without hearing about the violent acts in the world. We talk about wanting peace, yet we incite anger with our actions and words. We speak of those who have perished because of random acts of violence and feel gutted and hollow because there’s an emptiness that never seems to go back to normal. But when acts of violence hit too close to those we love, the actions take on a different meaning.

I have many friends who are African American or black, depending on how you wish to define the color of their skin. Many people think that the Black community is making too much out of Black Lives Matter. As a white woman, I have experienced seeing how I was treated differently because of my skin color. It shouldn’t be this way. One of my white closest friends recently watched as her son went to jail. Her son is biracial. He is serving time for a crime he didn’t commit. The district attorney wanted no prison time, and the plaintiff’s family said there should be no time. Yet, the judge, who many have surmised to be racist, put him in prison along with other sex offenders. This young man is nowhere near a sex offender.

I have friends who were accused of statutory rape by young women who got angry because they wouldn’t leave their girlfriends or wives for these young girls. One of those friends served an eight-year sentence and never had a sexual relationship with the girl who accused him. She made a point of telling people that if she couldn’t have him, no one could. We tend to believe the young people who accuse others as a society. I never want to say that society shouldn’t believe a person, but we face a harsh reality. Those who have power and money get away with crimes and actions more than those who don’t have the financial means to defend themselves properly. And many people in this world will lie about what happened because they didn’t get their way. Unfortunately, it can be challenging to decipher who lies and tells the truth. Our judicial system isn’t perfect, and there are many cases where the system gets it right, but for every correct verdict, there are many verdicts that it gets wrong.

A colleague of mine has a spouse accused of statutory rape of a minor, his stepchild, to be exact. Again, he wasn’t guilty, but it was up to him and his spouse to prove that the girl lied. They went through all kinds of resources to prove his innocence and ultimately proved the girl lied. But, when things like this happen, it makes folks wary of our system and the people in charge. Child Protective Services got involved with their case, and it was an absolute nightmare. It took a toll on their relationship, but they persevered.

Another close friend of mine faced accusations of stalking and harassing a woman. It took him a decade to rebuild his reputation and stand in the community even though he was innocent. His scenario stemmed from jealousy from his best friend, who was secretly in love with the woman in question. It was all an elaborate ploy that his friend later admitted to doing, but it cost several people precious time and resources to recover from his series of harmful lies. Trust has taken years to rebuild, and the young woman in question has been battling alcohol addiction for over a decade. Three engagements to other people, and she’s never found happiness. The cost to her psychological being has been high. My friend has little confidence left, and his self-esteem has never fully recovered. Yes, the wrongdoings of others have high prices. They may not reflect those costs in dollars and cents, but the price is internal sometimes. That can be the most costly because some people may not survive the head games.

I’ve had people pretend to be my friend to get what they want. Those are the folks that I wish karma would come back on because they are the ones that ripped my heart from my chest. Some of them took credit for things I did, others stole items or money, and a couple stole the person I loved. Looking back on what I’ve seen, I recognize that I didn’t know the warning signs and learned that I couldn’t let someone take from me if I prevented those measures from occurring. We can’t control everything terrible from happening to us, but we can take steps to minimize the damage.

If you’ve been the victim of wrongdoings or know someone who has, the biggest key to not dwelling on those wrongdoings is to find ways to deal with what occurred. Acknowledge the problem. Talk it out with someone you trust or seek professional guidance. You aren’t alone. Most of society will deal with someone doing them wrong or having wrongdoings done to them or someone they love at some point in their lives. The key is not to let it destroy you but rather learn from those incidents and be mindful of people’s games.

I hope that none of you experience people who cause you pain, but if you do, remember that you can’t solve the problems that someone else is dealing with, but you can determine how you will react. Knowledge is power. Have a great day, everyone.

2 thoughts on “When Unlawful Wrongdoings Hits too Close to Home

  1. Wow! This deep!! I’m not even going to touch the racial injustices; but accusing people of crimes they didn’t commit and having innocent people waste away in jails or prisons is just wrong! I believe there is a whole special place in hell for people who do this mess! You can’t play with peoples lives like that – and I can’t stand judges who are on power trips and make and and do this madness just because they can despite the fact that evidence and testimonies shows otherwise. This post made me both mad and sad Ms. Christy.


  2. Believe me. I had to refrain when writing it. Our judicial system is screwy. I know it’s supposedly the best we’ve got, but one of my closest friends is gearing up for law school because of what happened with her brother and she is a staunch advocate for the Innocence Project. I really hope things get better because justice shouldn’t matter about race or social standing. We have a lot of hypocrisy in this world. SMH.


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