Let me be clear. I’m not referring to if somebody has broken the rules at work that is detrimental to the company not to put rules and regulations in place to prevent the same occurrence. I’m referring to personal relationships and even professional ones. People tend to let us down at different points in our lives. Some of the very people that we would go to our grave saying they would never do anything to screw us over are the ones that hurt us the most. There is one relationship from my past that I’ve spoken about several times. When our marriage broke up, he went to somebody else so quickly and had a child with her and was still lying to me the whole time. His actions broke me. It took me years to forgive him for that.
I wasn’t perfect in that relationship by any means. I made my share of mistakes and I own them. But the thing is is that because of his actions I have based every other relationship or potential relationship based off of his actions. I compared too many men to what he did. I lost out on some very good friendships and relationships. I’m not making that mistake anymore. See part of what we do when we judge others based off of how we’ve been hurt as we create these walls that take a long time if ever to come back down. We tend to not want to get hurt again so our best line of defense is to push everybody out. That doesn’t work too well.
If I’ve learned anything over the last few years, it’s that I have to face my fears. Finding personal happiness along the way can only come if I allow myself to let my walls down. I’ve had this colossal “stay away” sign on my forehead for so long that I don’t even recognize how imprinted it became. Thankfully I have some good friends who called me out on it. Unlike others who claim to be friends, these folks gave me a reality check. I had to learn to forgive myself for my mistakes and recognize that I have a high bar of expectations. That bar results from falling for someone as complex as I am. It has taught me that you can’t focus on the future if you never get out of the past. And you can’t function well in the future if you don’t use the past to help give you the knowledge and experience necessary to flourish. I had to learn the difference.
Professionally speaking, I let my actions from the past determine what kind of jobs I went after. I couldn’t see my worth. I allowed the mistakes that I made to be precursors to judgment for other companies. When I finally decided to change things around, I began to take better stock of my environment. People say they’re changing things but to implement those changes takes time, energy, and commitment. When I decided to go back to school for data analytics, I thought I had lost my ever-loving mind.
As I’m obtaining these certifications, I’ve found a new strength inside of myself. I am no longer judging the actions of the past but rather changing the course of my future. People don’t realize that when we start judging other people based on the steps of others, we also judge ourselves. Whether we recognize that or not, those are limitations and energy we don’t have time to dwell on. I stopped school for the last few weeks because I had a lot of things going on internally. I’ve made some decisions for my health that are beneficial for the long run. And mentally, I’ve changed the course of my destiny because I’m taking care of myself and holding myself accountable for decisions in the past and present. I no longer feel the need to hide behind judgments. If you want to know something wild, I don’t even feel like I know who I was at that point in my life. It feels like a completely different individual.
Maybe that’s one of the reasons I’m taking my health more seriously. Reconditioning the mind starts within our hearts. I don’t mean the one that beats, but the other internal nature which helps us with the drive, determination, and grit to change our lives for the better. I can attest that the actions of others took a toll because I granted them the energy to drain me. I’ve learned that everything we do is part of a mindset. If we allow ourselves to remain victims, we never get to the other side of survival. Sure, we experience bad things, but what we take from those circumstances will give us the tool to emerge stronger, wiser, and perceptive.
If you find yourself hurting, remember you’re not alone. And if you find yourself judging others for people’s actions in the past, ask yourself if it’s justified. Are they the culprit of doing something terrible to you, or are you jumping to conclusions? Sometimes you have to go with your gut. Only you can answer what’s right for you, but I hope with every fiber and me that you don’t slam the door of opportunities for people who are paying the price for someone else’s mistakes. Life is too short, and opportunities don’t come along every day. When it’s an opportunity for the better to change your life and change your relationships, grab hold. Have a great day, everyone.