(I am taking Friday off of writing. This is one of the blogs from the past. I hope you enjoy it.)
I have a confession to make. I make a ton of mistakes. I don’t have the self esteem that I always need. When there is something I want to make happen, I get really excited and then sometimes, I let that fear factor take over. When I was married, I couldn’t figure out how to make my marriage work. It takes two people to be in a marriage or a relationship. My husband at the time, chose to work on everything but our marriage for a long time. By the time things were in the danger zone, it was too late.
I met someone that changed my life. I took risks and in some ways it paid off. In other ways, the timing was horrible. We were both going through broken relationships and in the process, we were both broken intellectually, physically, and spiritually. It takes a lot of patience to be there for someone when that person is alienating everyone that they love and care about. It’s tough when you can’t share what makes you happy because of extenuating circumstances.
God has told me so many times that he is the force in my life that gives me strength. He is the one that gives me patience. When I feel like nothing is going the way I want, I’m reminded that I am only a pawn in life. Every piece on the board has a purpose. I can’t force any of you to share your life with God. I can however, show you the incredible works that he does everyday.
God understands what we need even when it isn’t what we want. If I had my way, I’d have a smooth relationship that didn’t require much work. But what good would that do in the long run? See, every one of us is worth that fight. God sent Jesus to fight for our sins by dying on the cross. His love was so great that to this day, we reap his grace and goodness. The best part is that we don’t have to do anything except allow his grace and mercy to take over.
There are people in my life who are currently pushing everyone they love away because they don’t want to put the burden on them. My heart seriously aches over this because when we try to handle things on our own, our journey is ten times harder. All I can do is love them, pray for them, and accept them for who they are. I can continue to let them know I’m there and hope and pray that eventually, they will see that they are worth the fight.
When I speak of miracles, I need to give examples. For instance, a woman who deals with infertility and finally holds a child in her arms, has experienced a miracle. Any couple wanting a family, that has finally been able to have that dream realized is experiencing a miracle. That is a miracle that I hope to one day be able to fulfill for myself. I know that God has possibilities that are endless. All you need is some faith.
I’ve watched people who have been fighting diseases like cancer, beat incredible odds. I’ve watched as death loomed over those I loved and yet didn’t manage to beat their souls. I’ve experienced life in ways many people never get the opportunity to. When my father couldn’t beat his fight with cancer, I left to travel all over the world. I didn’t do it all at one time but I have traveled to countries where I see devastation and pure love all at the same time.
When I was sixteen, I was so rebellious. I wouldn’t listen to what my parents said when driving. I had a wreck that my best friend to this day kids me about. But here’s the funny thing. I saw my life flash before my eyes with that wreck. Two days after the wreck, I had a dream within a dream. Some call it a crossroad. Others a vision. I dreamed that was floating above my body. I had managed to get to the pearly gates where I saw St. Michael or St. Gabriel. I can’t remember at this juncture in my life which one. He sat me down and told me that if I didn’t change my ways, that I wouldn’t make it to my 21st birthday. He said that I had things that I needed to do and couldn’t do them if I was dead. I’m now about to celebrate my 47th birthday and still remember that dream to this day.
Was it a dream? A vision? Who knows but it got my attention. I started paying attention to how I drove and when I did drive reckless, I drove smart. I learned how to handle a stick shift and drive as well as the boys and make no mistake I left many of them eating my dust. Was it a godly way of life? No. Did I confront my fear of dying by a car? Absolutely.
Now I don’t drive as wild. I’ve mellowed a lot as I’ve aged but I still love a good race. I love the feel of the track on a car and the smell of burnt rubber. In some ways, I can be a major tomboy but I wouldn’t change one thing about that because in many ways it brings me closer to God.
God doesn’t keep score. For all our faults, God is the one being that knows every game before it takes place, he knows the outcome of every job, every procedure and everything that we do in our lives. He knows what we will do before we do it. Guess what? He loves us anyway. Sometimes we get it right. Other times, we struggle hard with doing the right thing. He knows our heart and accepts us for who we are.
He knows when we are scared or nervous to talk to someone that affects our lives. He gives us the courage to tackle hard things. We are only human. God knows this. He also knows that left to our own devices we need to be able to see things most of the time to believe them.
Imagine going for an opportunity that you don’t think you can get. Have you asked yourself why? What’s holding you back? I can already tell you that Fear is playing into your mind. I’ve lost opportunities because I didn’t believe in myself. I’ve also learned that I learn more when I let others talk. My challenge to each of you is to find out what you are most afraid of and how to confront that fear. Let God be your warrior inside of you. Let him show you that not only are you not alone, but that you truly can do all things with Christ.
Peace to you all.