What does it take to make you feel accepted? If you are like most people, it varies. It took me a long time to be comfortable in my skin. What I struggled with was comparing myself to others and not recognizing my worth. One of the most challenging aspects is recognizing where we fit in versus where we want to fit in. You might fit in one group one day and be a misfit the next. Deciphering when to walk away is not easy, and it weighs heavily on our hearts and minds, but it can be a necessary evil to accept yourself.
I have many faults. Many people in my life are no longer in my life the way they used to be. At first, it was a tough pill to swallow, and then I realized that life changes. Relationships are bound to change no matter how much we may or may not want them to, but it’s a part of growing pains.
I started reading and writing a lot more. When life altered those relationships, I would cry for a while and then deal with those emotions. One of the most challenging obstacles I had to deal with was myself. How could I deal with people’s loss and things that were so important to me without dealing with myself first? It hasn’t been an easy journey. I had to accept my role in what happened and recognize that I can only acknowledge what I did. That doesn’t mean that I had to reach out to the other because they didn’t value the friendship enough to communicate, so I didn’t need to come groveling back. Respect is something that I treasure. It’s ironic how others love to post things about other people not valuing each other, but when it comes down to it, their actions speak so much louder than the words that come off their pages.
As I was dealing with people’s loss in my life, I stumbled across some helpful hints that helped me accept who I am. They are as follows:
- Accept yourself. Acceptance is the ability to value all parts of who you are unconditional. No one on this earth is perfect. I don’t care how good they look, how rich they are, or how powerful they may be. You bring many attributes to the table. When you can accept your strengths, weaknesses, flaws, and limitations, you become empowered. Every person on this earth is beautiful, even those who don’t act like it. Each person has gifts, skills, talents, and positive attributes to bring to the table. The minute you stop comparing yourself and embrace who you are, the more the world opens to you.
- Acknowledge your reality. Where are you in life? Are you struggling with the day to day or are you flourishing? Where do you want to be? Be honest with yourself. Stop letting other people make you feel inferior. You are a reflection of what you believe about yourself. When you worry about what everyone else says or thinks, all you’re doing is giving others the satisfaction they are getting.
- Practice radical honesty. When I went through those changes with people from my past, it hurt like a bitch. I’m not going to sugar coat those emotions. I had to determine what part I played and what role they played. I needed to stop comparing myself to them because I was no longer in the same frame of mind that I had been with them. It took some very tough conversations with myself and others for me to come to the realization that I had settled and allowed others to drag me down. It was time to break away and stand on my feet. Some days it’s more complicated than others, but I’ve learned to accept myself and my imperfections.
- Identify your part. I mentioned before that I made a lot of mistakes. I didn’t talk about things that bothered me, and I bottled them up. But I was also made to feel inferior for having standards, and I got to the point where I didn’t want to confide in others because it was always challenging to get a word in edgewise. I handled things poorly, but they did too. Two wrongs never make a right, and sometimes it becomes imperative to identify your role and learn not to repeat those mistakes.
- Admit your mistakes. You have to learn to admit when you are wrong because if you don’t, then the rationale becomes you are a “know it all” and not in a good way. Showing ownership of mistakes shows growth, and it brings respect along with that outcome. People are more inclined to show consideration when they treat others with respect.
- Own your outcomes. It’s easy to blame everyone else when things go wrong or celebrate when things go right, especially if you take credit for someone else’s work. That option is not a smart one. Owning your mistakes and accepting the repercussions shows others that you are willing to have humble pie when it’s needed.
- Don’t let fear get in your way. Fear is a word that needs to take a hike. I let fear overtake me and make me question my acceptance of myself and prevent me from having healthy relationships. I sold myself short of opportunities because my confidence had taken such a beating that it took years to overcome those doubts. Fear is a demon in itself. There is fear in every aspect of our lives. When we learn to conquer those fears, it’s fantastic how we accept ourselves as capable.
- Count on your competencies. We all are competent in different areas. Some people are more adept and skilled than others, but the bottom line is no matter what happens, there are talents that all of us have that help others. Don’t second guess your worth.
Remember, you are not going to make everyone else happy. What’s important is that you accept yourself for who you are and push yourself to make your dreams a reality. If people are insinuating things on social media, ask yourself how much of it is perception and reality. Acknowledge your part and move on. It does no good to dwell on the past and the people in it. The more you move forward, the farther you will get in acquiring your dreams. Have a great day, everyone.