If you are like most people, you’ve had incidents in your life that you trusted someone completely only to have that trust shattered. You probably thought they would be the last person on this earth to ever stab you in the back and betray your confidence. I’ve had it happen more than once and it’s never a fun feeling when it occurs. Especially when those same individuals preach about how you should be in life but don’t act accordingly. I’m not one who enjoys drama and I’m very grateful that I’ve whittled my network down to those that drama is very limited. Not only does this allow me to trust others but also to trust myself to make smart decisions and choices.
I’ve often given people the benefit of the doubt when it came to matters of the heart or even matters in the professional setting. This has served me well and dubiously all at the same time. For instance, when I fell for the man that has my heart, I gave him every opportunity to tell me he wasn’t interested. He never did. He was as shy as I was and that helped and hindered us all at the same time. I didn’t know that he was involved with someone else when I fell for him. I never acted on those emotions though. It wasn’t until much later that I gave him the information about how I felt and what I wanted. Little did I know at the time, it wasn’t that he didn’t have those feelings. It was just he couldn’t act on them. He was stuck in a relationship that he wasn’t happy in but didn’t want to hurt the woman he was with.
I knew the woman he was involved with only because I was a frequent customer to where he worked. Had he told me that he was with someone, I would have stopped going in there. Maybe that’s why he didn’t want me to know. I guess he figured that if I knew that, then I wouldn’t continue to frequent there. Whatever the reason, it caused a lot of heartache for years. His inability to let me know what was truly going on became the catalyst for me not trusting my gut. It took a while for me to understand what he was dealing with because he’s a proud man. He doesn’t want others to know when he hurts. He’s always been strong so having his physical strength zapped from him has made him feel weak. If he allows others in, he might find a renewed strength because when we lean on others, quite often, we can achieve more than we ever dreamed. Not only do we have to learn to trust ourselves, but we have to learn there are times to trust others.
I’ve had other incidents where this happened as well. Before I married my ex-husband, I almost called off the wedding. Something told me that I shouldn’t marry him. I let him talk me into not calling it off but when a relationship is built on a foundation of lies, then the only thing that holds the relationship is the lies itself until all the lies are exposed and the foundation crumbles. That’s what happened to us. We were both guilty of it but the truth is that I changed to be who he wanted me to become. I lost my identity along the way. He never asked me to do this. I did it of my own free will and was dense enough to believe that I had to conform to his expectations. It drained me. It also didn’t help that he was battling mental health issues of his own. He now has a child with a woman who looks too much like me. I hope he treats his daughter better than he did me. Karma has a way of smacking all of us when we least expect it. He once told me that he wanted to “hurt me as bad as I hurt him.” Well. Congratulations. I let him hurt me for far too long and over the last few years have been fighting to get me back. I am proud to say that nothing he does now affects me. Why? Because I finally recognized that only narcissistic people tend to want others to hurt because of the pain they endured. It didn’t dawn on him that I had already gone through over a decade of hell because of all the lies. Nor did it dawn on him that losing our child broke me. I was never the same after that nor will I ever be. All I can do is educate others that it is wise to communicate and share experiences because there are many out there who are bottling up how they feel to protect their heart.
Cancer has attacked several people that I love. It has won the war against some of the most ardent members of my family that fought it with their last breath. What it hasn’t done is distinguished the light that lives on in their memories and legacies. They trusted themselves and God to see them through the fight. Some days were miserable. Many of them felt abandoned at times and didn’t understand why this disease was becoming so prevalent. It didn’t matter that they were leaving impressions on others while they fought. What mattered is that they focused on the important things . They not only trusted themselves to educate themselves with their diseases but also with their spiritual needs. Trusting yourself becomes critical when you make decisions that are important in life. No matter what disease you may fight, it’s imperative that you know yourself and feel comfortable enough in yourself to see those decisions through.
I have two good friends who were falsely accused of crimes they didn’t commit. One was too young and immature at the time to know that he was being set up to take a tremendous fall. The other suspected he was being set up but had no way to prove it until charges were filed against him. The older friend trusted himself and his faith enough to stand up for himself and argue against the charges. Those charges were later dropped and it has taken over a decade for him to begin to get his life back. The other friend is still fighting a battle to prove his innocence. The hard part for him is that he doesn’t want to ruffle feathers and is scared to fight but he wants his life back. It’s a double-edged sword. He knows he didn’t do it but he doesn’t trust the system. I can’t say I blame him. The hard part is he will never be truly happy until he can get his name cleared. Even if it means he has to fight a very difficult battle.
My point is simple. There are a lot of things that happen in this world that make all of us question whether or not we are doing the right thing. Don’t make rash decisions. Think it through. Trust yourself. Talk to someone but most importantly, remember that you may not always make the best decisions but if you make the best effort for yourself, then you have nothing to hang your head in shame over. Be good to yourself and each other. We are all fighting battles every day that aren’t visible to others. What we do with that information is up to us.