Finding the Lost

Are any of you prone to losing things? I lose my keys and phone all the time. I get a million things running through my mind and before I know it, I’ve set my phone down and don’t even remember where I put it. It’s the same thing with my keys. Those are simple things that are temporarily lost but I do eventually find them. What happens when you lose something that you thought you’d never get back? It truly depends on what was lost and what its purpose is.

I’ve walked away from friendships that weren’t healthy. Those relationships are lost and they may be resurrected and found one day but if not, that’s okay too. There were reasons for them. And if those folks don’t want me in their life, then I wish them well. However, there are people in all of our lives who have passed on that we have lost the ability to connect with them on a physical level. My dad left this earth due to cancer. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. I feel his presence all around me so I know that even though I lost him, he’s still with me. I guess it depends on what we believe as to whether or not we ever truly find what we lost or not. I lost precious time with him when I blew him off to go out with friends. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad I spent time with them. I just wish that I had known that Dad would be taken so quickly because then I would have made the effort to spend time with him while I could.

When I lost a child due to fibroids, I found myself. Sometimes we have to lose everything that means something to us before we truly comprehend and love who we are. For me, losing children was devastating but I was able to connect with others on a level that I never would have been able to relate had I not lost the most precious people in my life that I have. There are instances in our lives that we lose the most precious times in our lives that we will never get back. But if we allow ourselves to open up, we just might find ourselves in the most meaningful relationships of our lives.

When I went to college the first go around in my life, I fell into the wrong crowd. Drugs and alcohol allowed me to lose myself to whatever felt good at the time. My soul was lost. If anyone ever tells you that you ever make a full recovery from the trajectory of decisions that we make in our lifetime, don’t believe them. There are scars that will never dissipate from your life. You will always carry a mark of some type. Scars don’t have to be physical. There can be serious psychological effects that linger for the rest of your life and it can propel you to make less than stellar decisions down the road. For me, the losses that I suffered took me decades to get back because in order to recognize that we’re lost and in need of being found, we have to admit to ourselves that we are floundering. We have to force ourselves to look deep inside of who we truly are and recognize that we aren’t perfect. We have talents that are unique to each and every one of us. What we don’t need to do is to beat ourselves up. Recognizing the areas that we’re lost truly does help us map out where we need to go. For me, all the roads I’ve gotten lost on leading me back to writing. It’s truly been cathartic for me.

Sometimes the loss of words can be difficult to find. There are many situations in our lives that we are all presented with at one time or another that leave us speechless and mystified. It’s almost like our minds stop like a train and can’t seem to get the doors to open for a quick exit. I can’t tell you how many times I have been in a situation and was at a complete loss for words, needing to make a quick exit, and couldn’t. I stood there frozen like a solid street lamp waiting for the light to turn on, except the light couldn’t register any light what so ever. Instead, all I had was a pole with darkness surrounding my lips. I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth more than once and will probably do it a lot more during my lifetime. The only thing about it is that I’m aware of my weaknesses. If I could lose anything, it would be the lack of verbalizing what I need to say when I need to say something in unique situations. There have only been a few times in my life that I’ve been able to eloquently converse with someone who pushed every button with me. I treasure those times because it’s one of the rare instances that I was able to let my heart do the talking because the words out of my mouth would have fumbled otherwise.

Yesterday afternoon, one of my closest friends called me in tears. One of her very dearest friends from childhood had died. He’ll never live to see his children grow up, he’ll never be in any hall of fame for anything but to her, he was a star. He was a formidable rock that refused to be beaten down. Their friendship never saw color. They only saw each other like the people in their lives that only grew with the years. They were never romantically involved but they were each other’s confidante when times got tough. They shared laughter, tears, embarrassing stories, and reveled in each other’s success. Their friendship began at age five and lasted a lifetime. Most folks don’t get that kind of interaction with others. Those relationships are rare and unique. Even though she has lost him due to an accident, I have a feeling that he will be another in a long line of guardian angels helping to guide her throughout the rest of her days.

My point is this. We don’t always get everything back in life that we lose. There are always going to be things and people in our lives that affect us greatly. We may lose the relationships but what we gain is a different sense of self. Many times we learn who we are and what direction we need to focus on our lives. Whichever road life takes you on, I hope you find the things in life that matter most. Faith is one of the greatest gifts we all have. Family and friends are a constant that we all need in our lives. My wish for you today is that you find the things that you’ve lost if it’s meant for you to find, embrace the findings that you learn, and treasure every moment. Nothing is guaranteed in life. Let the sunshine in your heart.

Finding the Lost

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