Walking on Eggshells

I am getting really tired of everything being so politically correct that you have to watch every single thing that you say. You can’t do hardly anything without making someone else feel uncomfortable. If you go somewhere without a mask, you are perceived to be part of the problem. If you are wearing a mask, others make you feel like you’re paranoid. If you say anything that comes across as racial, no matter how innocent, you are vilified. If you support the removal of monuments you are treated as if you are wrong. If you don’t support the removal, you are perceived to be racist. Now it’s gotten to where companies are changing their names to keep up with the times. There’s no thought to who has to flip the bill for all the licensing of merchandise, no thought to how this is affecting jobs throughout the world, or any thought to the fact that all of these conversations are leading to more division in this country than ever.

There was a time that I guess most of us who are white lived in a bubble. What I’m having a very difficult time with is I support racial equality. I support those who are standing up for what’s right BUT no one is talking about the long term ramifications of the actions that are being taken for unity. It all boils down to money. The Washington Redskins are looking to change their name. The Atlanta Braves and Cleveland Indians may have to change theirs as well. These are just a few of the brands that are in discussion to change the name. The sad thing to me is that ticket prices are going to go up, promotional spots will be raised even more than they are, merchandise will be marked up even more than it is, and brand revamping is going to cost every single one of the supporters. The money has to be made up somehow. If we’re all demanding change, then companies are going to grant us that request at a huge cost down the road.

That doesn’t even count for all the problems that many have in their professional and personal relationships. Take for instance a case in point with a former co-worker of mine. I worked for a Doctor’s office at one point in Medical Records. There was a Team Leader who was a CMA who thought she was all that. She was manipulative, devious and plotted to get rid of just about every single employee. She succeeded. She’d hide the charts where I couldn’t find them. She’d make sure that information was conveniently taken out of charts and then blame me for the mishaps. Eventually I was let go. I had to walk on eggshells every day with her. I’d go home in tears. I left when I found I was pregnant and had no way to prove my innocence when she sabotaged my work. I finally just gave up. The day I left was the day of a snowstorm. I went to turn my key in to the office manager. He wasn’t in. I insisted that since she was the one I was returning the key to that she give me a note stating that I had turned it in. She refused. I held my ground until she finally signed a note saying I turned it in. Oh was she livid. My gut told me that she was going to try to accuse me of doing something that I wasn’t going to do. Why else would she get so angry? All I did was cover my tracks. This woman was something else.

When I was married, I had to walk on eggshells every single day. My husband had serious mood swings. One minute he was fine, the next he was so angry that he’d blow up, walk outside and five minutes later walk back in just as calm as could be. By that point he had me so mad that I was mumbling under my breath, mad as hell because he could blow up but I wasn’t allowed to get mad and then I had to cool down because he would act as if I was the one with the issue. I may be a lot of things but I’m not used to someone acting as if they have the right to cause whiplash on purpose. No one likes to wonder what kind of demeanor they are going to encounter with their spouse. I certainly didn’t like wondering what kind of mood my spouse was in. Then on top of that, I had to wonder about everything that my husband told me. Do you have any idea what it’s like to wonder what if anything is true in your relationship? It’s no fun to center your world around the person you love and lose your own identity because you don’t want to start a fight. There’s a difference in fighting for what a person believes in and fighting just to be fighting.

Let’s not forget our friends. There are some friends who are so passionate about certain topics that anything you say feels like you are in a court of law. It’s either their way or their way. Only when you are able to have a really good balance of friendships can you begin to win an argument. There are people in my life who love to hold grudges and don’t choose to communicate what those grudges are. They boast about their religious beliefs and hold fast to the notion that they are going to the promised land while others are left to rot in hell. I don’t remember any of them being God. I didn’t know that they had the power to choose who will go to heaven or hell. But they are steadfast in the ways of the Torah. They share posts of religion on a daily basis and make it appear that they are true believers that have not been practicing what they preach but don’t try to win an argument. They are never wrong and even when they’re wrong they’re right. It’s those kinds of friendships that I’ve begun to understand that while I love them, I can’t live my life wondering if everything I do is going to get me into heaven or hell. Their beliefs are their beliefs. While I’m grateful that they have found comfort in their faith, I am of the opinion that our faith is a personal experience and journey for each of us. None of us will know what awaits us until we get to the other side. What we believe, helps us to deal with the eggshells that are under our already shaky feet.

There are other relationships that can have eggshells to deal with. Every person that we encounter has the potential to be someone that healthy relationships can be established with. One of the things that has to be addressed with anyone that you deal with in your life is how to best handle the conflict that is presented to you. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that everything in our lives has the potential to create conflict. No matter what we may wish, conflict is found in every relationship, every profession, every brand, and more importantly inside of each of us. I can pretty much guarantee you that there is probably something in every one of your lives that you are conflicted with at the moment. It might be leaving one job for another, or walking away from a relationship that has meant a lot to you, or even beginning a life with a partner that you love. It could stem from planning a family, or dealing with the death of a loved one. Whatever conflict you have, you don’t always have to walk on eggshells. There are ways to cope.

Be willing to admit that you are dealing with eggshells. If you aren’t willing to be honest with yourself about issues you are dealing with, then how do you expect to be honest with anyone else? I can pretty much guarantee you that life is always going to have curve-balls. There’s no easy way to deal with the every day drama that we all are privy too. What’s important is that we recognize that there are issues that we may need help with. It’s okay to ask for help. Sometimes we get overwhelmed to the point that our friends can’t reach us. It’s during those times that a non partial voice can often help clear your viewpoint. When your viewpoints change, it isn’t uncommon for your behavior to change. Sometimes that’s a necessary tool in order to move forward for healthier habits.

The best rule of thumb that I can give you is that everyone has feelings and emotions and are entitled to those feelings or emotions. You don’t have to add to the stress. Be willing to listen when others need to vent. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. Learn to let go of the duress and find your own inner peace and also, remember that you can’t change the world if you aren’t willing to be a part of it. Be part of the solution and stop walking on those eggshells. Start by being mindful and aware of your surroundings. You never know the impact you may have.

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