Guardian Angels

I used to think that Guardian Angels were a myth.  Now I’m not so sure.  There’s been too many instances in my life where I should have been dead but I’ve managed to somehow survive.  When people I loved in my life passed on, I could swear I could feel their presence.  It was almost as if I could feel a warmth overtaking me into an abyss of peace.  Some of the worst nights in my life have often made me wonder if what I was feeling was real or just a figment of my imagination.  I’m not sure I’ll ever really know until I pass on.

As a child I was into all things that involved curiosity.  I loved exploring new places to the point that when I would go to stores with my parents, if they had thought about it, they would have had a leash on me.  I remember going to one store when I was a very small child.  I couldn’t tell you what kind of store it was.  All I remember is looking at these really cool angel glass figures and without even touching it, the glass that all the figures was on shattered into a million pieces.  How I avoided getting cut I will never know.  It was almost as if there was a guardian angel shielding me from the shards that were going everywhere.  The store clerk panicked.  She was so scared I had gotten injured.  My parents were relieved I was OK but I remember distinctly not touching the case at all.  Why it shattered remains a mystery.  I had a friend of mine once tell me that she thought it might have been a warning from the other side but I thought she was off her rocker.  All I knew was that moment scared me.  It also made me recognize that sometimes things happen that we can’t explain.

My memories as a child are scattered.  There are instances that I can tell you without missing a beat and there are other memories that are very fuzzy.  I remember hearing stories of me as a baby where my parents left me with a babysitter who wasn’t very responsible.  They didn’t know it at the time but this sitter decided to give me beer in my baby bottle.  First off, it should be common sense to never give a baby alcohol.  You could seriously kill or harm a baby long term by those actions.  Second of all, thank God, we’ve gotten more educated since the early seventies on certain actions.  Anyway, other than having a very drunk baby when my parents returned, I was physically fine.  Word to the wise, don’t do this to a child.  When I found out what happened to me back then I was pissed.  Not because I blamed my folks but because someone was dense enough to think that was appropriate behavior.  No one can tell me I didn’t have a guardian angel making sure I survived that sitter.  There are some things that are just indescribable.  That was one of them.

There was a time that I worked for a local seafood restaurant.  We split our tips and I was in the drama club at the school I was attending.  I had a very dear friend who wanted me to take him to Appalachian University in Boone, NC in order to see his girlfriend.  I didn’t tell my folks where I was going.  On the way there, my friend needed to go to the bathroom.  I went to make a turn and I didn’t see the truck coming over a blind curve.  We were t-boned.  We were very lucky to be alive.  In fact, the windshield when it cracked formed a perfect star.  My friend was actually in better shape than I was.  I had split the skin down my back and could barely move. In fact, when I got to the hospital, the doctor was stunned that I didn’t sustain more injuries based on the wreckage of my vehicle. There’s no doubt in my mind that I had a guardian angel over me.

There’s been human guardian angels who have stepped up and made me very grateful for their presence in my life.  For example, when it seemed everyone was against me, there were incredible men and women who extended kindness to me through gestures of listening, meals, hugs, even financial help, that I can never thank enough.  You see, we all go through things in our lives that can often make us feel alone and underappreciated.  There are people who we may not know that can show the most heavenly acts when we need them most.  I’ve never forgotten folks that paid for my meal when money was so tight and I didn’t want anyone to know.  I’ve never forgotten the kindness of the people who helped me change my tire when I couldn’t go any further.  Nor have I ever forgotten how Jesus loves me even when I mess up.  And it’s a lot.  He sends the right people to get me through whatever hurdle I’m jumping in.  There’s been a lot of unanswered prayers.  He sent me several angels when my father died.  Darla, Debbie, Renee, Ken, and Darrell.  All of them got me through dark days.  They were my angels on earth.  Even though I don’t speak with some of them now, I will forever see them as my guardian angels during one of the darkest times of my life.

When I was married, my husband and I took a trip to Alaska with my parents. It was in May of 2001. I remember there were several men on the plane that made me nervous but at the time I couldn’t tell you why. A few months later, Sept. 11 of that year, the terrorist attacks occurred. There were men fitting the description of some of the terrorists that had been on the flight home from Anchorage. I’ll never know if they were involved or not and some of that is profiling but I can’t help but wonder if we were traveling with Guardian angels or not during that trip. I know that those who perished in the attacks had their own angels with them. There’s no doubt in my mind that even when we don’t survive, we have a guardian angel helping us find our next destination.

The night I lost my child and realized my marriage was over, I remember feeling the presence of angels with me.  My heart was shattered.  The tears couldn’t stop.  I was going through so many varying emotions that my head and heart weren’t communicating.  I was numb and scared, angry, hurt, shocked, and so confused.  There was a woman in the room next to me giving birth to a child she didn’t want and I was losing mine.  That night I knew my marriage was lost.  I don’t know why but in that brief time frame, it taught me that my husband didn’t love me like I loved him.  Oh I do believe he loved me as much as he was capable of but in retrospect, I think real love is when you will do anything to protect the person you love.  You would be there for that person through pain, and not act as if they were making up things.  I was so scared that my mom who was a RN, was in the room with me while the doctors rushed in to help clean me up.  My blood pressure had plummeted to 57/42 and while I couldn’t see the angels in the room with me, I knew my time wasn’t up.  I literally heard a voice tell me that it was going to be alright and it wasn’t a human voice.  So even though I was dealing with all those emotions, I truly felt a loving, incredible presence that words can’t begin to describe.

Not long after that occurred, I had a dream/vision of my daughter that didn’t survive my pregnancy. In a strange way, it was really cathartic. She showed me several different views all at one time. She said that there would be volcanos to deal with in my life, mountains to climb, oceans to swim, and sinking vessels that I would encounter but that I would never be alone. I saw the pits of lava spewing the most intense heat in the dream but somehow I knew that even though the dream wasn’t one of being taken literally, that I was never alone. Even when I felt alone, there was a presence that was stronger than anything I could see with the naked eye. Only through faith, could I begin to understand that there were unexplicable things like Guardian Angels that help guide each of us when we are uncertain of the paths we need to take. When I pray at night to God, I am reminded that there are little reminders that guardian angels are in places I never would expect.

When people think of guardian angels, most people think of angels with wings.  The truth is that we don’t really know what awaits us on the other side but I can tell you with absolute certainty that the spirits that I’ve usually felt were of peace, tranquility, love, compassion, and understanding.  However, there’s been dark spirits I’ve encountered that felt more like demons than guardian angels.  I remember working at a movie theater in the box office.  I’ve never felt more threatened.  Whatever that presence was, my gut was screaming at me to get out of there.  I don’t know if it was a guardian angel warning me or what but I’ve never felt something that chilling, evil and sadistic as I did that night.  It was as if there were phantoms in the air and my guardian angels were protecting me.  I left that job not long after this incident.  I transferred to another theater which has since closed but at least I didn’t feel as if I was being teleported into a deadly dimension. All I know is that in that time, I had never felt anything so terrifying as I had with that employer. It was almost like a scene from a horror flick coming to life without the blood spewing everywhere. When I finally got away from the darkness, there was a lighter energy that began to luminate in my heart, soul, and spirit. The downside to working in a theater is when the deposit has to be made, it usually has to be made late at night. It’s a scary time and there was more than one instance where I was uncomfortable but I can tell you this, I always felt like I was going to be alright no matter what part of town, good or bad I was in. The bank we had to use for the deposit was in a gang related area. Drugs and prostitution were rampant. I didn’t stop anywhere when I had to do the deposit. I got in and out and when another friend had to make it, I followed my friend to the bank to make sure we were both safe. Again, I know that we had a set of guardian angels with us.

These are just a few of the scenarios were I felt the presence of Guardian Angels. There’s more that I will share with you all at another time. What’s important is that we recognize there are things in this world we can’t explain. We can’t explain how faith in things we can’t see completely exists. What I can tell you is that each person has their own set of beliefs, values, and feelings about everything in this world. You may or may not believe in Guardian Angels but I chose to believe that our Guardian Angels are willing to shield us from harm and help us transition when things go awry. There’s no way to really explain why the bad things happen to people. But if we didn’t have those feelings of Guardian Angels and those who help when the world is bleak, then we would never have Hope and Faith. To me, that’s a gift that Guardian Angels provide us every day.

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