How many of you deal with toxic relationships? I have a very close friend who lives multiple states away that continues a destructive pattern in her relationship with a man who doesn’t share her emotions. He says he loves her but his actions leave much to be desired. She calls me virtually every day and I try to listen and guide her but she almost never takes the advice to heart and when she does it’s always for a very short span. This has really led to a lot of trepidation and anxiety on my part. I truly care about her. What kills me is she’s allowing the “battered wife” mentality to overtake most of her decisions. It’s a very scary concept.
I’ve had various jobs over the years. Some had more responsibility than others. The ones that required reports and deadlines were more stressful and it was my first real encounter with my own anxieties. That’s not to say I never had anxiety before. It’s just that I began to comprehend what anxiety really was. The thing about anxiety is that it can sneak up on you. It’s a type of fear that can manifest into a bigger issue than you may realize. When we can all remain calm, we make better decisions. When decisions are made in anger or haste, all kinds of issues erupt.
There are things that you can do to get some relief from your anxieties and trepidation. For one thing, it’s crucial to admit that you are dealing with trepidation and anxieties. Why? Because if you don’t admit it to yourself, you will forever continue to be in denial. All that does is make things worse. Just like my friend who is dealing with a toxic relationship, you have to determine what you can and can’t live with. In her case, she hasn’t gotten fed up enough yet to completely walk away. She keeps setting herself up for more anxiety and depression and it’s like she can’t get enough of it. Unfortunately, this is a pattern that occurs more than it should, and often times it will end badly. One or more parties can end up seriously injured or dead when they are in abusive and toxic relationships. I only hope that she can get a grip on her life and do what’s best for her. It’s never easy to watch people we care to make dangerous decisions. Especially when you know what the outcome could potentially be. In many ways, it causes those who care to deal with their own anxieties. It’s hard to not get involved when you care about people but sometimes you have to walk away from the drama in order to walk to a better life.
Getting rest is something we all need. The body can’t function without sleep and rest. In fact, our bodies are conditioned to run the best when we take care of them. If we eat well, get rest, and keep our bodies tuned into a healthy lifestyle, we can then focus on our mental well being. When you constantly have people around you who could create their own reality series, it’s not conducive to a healthy lifestyle.
Your friends are not always counselors and therapists. Yes, it’s good to talk to your friends but sometimes professional help is needed. My friend calls me all the time because she can’t afford a therapist and as much as I care it gets really hard to bite my tongue when I really want to have her call a professional. There are always resources out there for folks who need help. If you aren’t a qualified professional, then don’t try to act like one. It will only wear you out more. You can’t help others if you don’t help yourself first. Your friends are there for support. Just remember if you aren’t willing to deal with your own anxieties, then how can you expect your friends to handle yours if you add to theirs?
Walk away from the noise in your life. Sometimes we all need time to meditate, regroup, and just breathe. Take a walk or do something that relaxes you. Don’t let the stress pile up so much that you forget that you have needs. When we start paying attention to our needs, it’s a lot easier to be there for other people.
Avoid alcohol, tobacco, and drugs. This is really important. When we are dealing with anxiety, our bodies are already off-balance. When you mix any of these three combined with anxiety and trepidation, it could spell a major disaster. It’s hard enough to maintain control of stress when we are sober. Imagine mixing the above items in and it’s like gaining a dependency on something that will create more stress in the long run.
Above all, pay attention to your body. Your body is the best indicator of something being wrong. You may not even realize that ulcers or breakouts could be from stress. You could be having all kinds of problems but if you pay attention to your body, keep your physicals and doctors’ appointments, and communicate when things aren’t right, you have a much better chance of staying healthy.
Remember you can’t change anyone else. Nor can you change their habits or even why they do the things they do. What you can do is control your actions. Stay alert and focused. Most importantly, remember that there is only one you. Never forget how special you are and what you bring to the table. Every one of us is unique. We all have gifts. Don’t let anxiety and trepidation keep you from sharing those gifts with the world.