In the last couple of years, I’ve heard about how people ghost each other. At first, I had no clue what ghosting really was but in hindsight, I’ve begun to ghost someone is to completely ignore them. It got me to thinking about how many times I’ve been ghosted by people that I thought I was close to only to find out that I got zero response.
When you are on the opposite end of being ghosted, it’s a very isolating feeling. It leaves a lot of questions like, “What did I do to deserve this?” or “Did I say something I shouldn’t have said?”, or even “Did I do something to offend them without realizing it?” When I’ve been ghosted, it’s left a lot of confusion, frustration, and even concern. For me, it’s been one question after another about how do I fix myself to avoid this from happening in the future?
It just seems like ghosting leaves more questions than answers and it may not bother you to ghost someone. But, did you ever stop to think about how ghosting others might affect them? If you have someone who may be going through a tough time and you ghost them, that person may get into a more depressed state. We all hear about how communication is vital to keeping relationships going. When I’m at work, I’m expected to communicate with my customers, my bosses, and the other managers. When I’m doing my web work, I’m expected to keep communication going in order for my clients to stay happy with my work. But when I get ghosted, it’s really difficult for me to ascertain what someone else is thinking if they don’t communicate.
I’m not saying if you have a bad date that you have to keep a relationship going, but it might be awkward to tell that person you just aren’t into them. Wouldn’t it be more awkward if that same person becomes your boss one day? Or a co-worker? All I’m saying is don’t burn bridges. Ghosting is not always the right answer.
Here’s a few things that I’ve found that have helped me deal with the ghosting. Be honest with yourself and allow yourself time to deal with the hurt. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned, you may never understand why something happened but you can’t control another person. The only thing you can do is to control yourself and your actions. Nine times out of ten, the person ghosting you has reasons that you may never know. Don’t beat yourself up. Sort out your emotions and recognize your part in things. If you have thought about what happened and still don’t know what you did, move on. It won’t do you any good to dwell on the situation.
Allow yourself some understanding. This is crucial. If you can’t deal with your emotions, your emotions will deal with you. I can promise you that when emotions get suppressed, sooner or later, they reach a tipping point. That tipping point can manifest in ways that can have long lasting effects. We all do things in life that could have been handled better. Admit that you aren’t perfect. We all have flaws. Embrace those flaws and imperfections and you will find that you aren’t alone. Not everything is picture perfect. There’s enough people in this world who will try to put you down. Give yourself a break. You are human.
Talk to someone. I know that this sounds simple but sometimes it’s difficult to talk about what hurts. We want to but the words don’t always pour out of us. It’s important to talk about what is weighing us down because not only does it help to say things out loud but it might help to explain why we are acting in a certain way. I will often talk to strangers rather than close friends because it helps get an unbiased point of view. When we care about others, many times we side with the people we care for. It’s human nature but as long as we communicate about what is concerning and bothering us, then we have a healthier recipe for our lifestyles. If you have close friends or confidants you confide in, do it. Don’t suppress everything until you reach a boiling point. You don’t have to be dramatic. Just be yourself. People love you for who you are, not who you think they want you to be. And if they don’t love or care about you, that’s on them. Don’t make it your issue.
Take care of yourself. Diet, Exercise and state of mind are key components in dealing with being ghosted. A poor diet with a lack of exercise will not help your self esteem. If anything, it will help you tank faster than the Titanic. My guess is that the person ghosting probably thought they were doing the right thing at the time. I’m a very firm believer in Karma. What we put out in the universe does tend to come back both positively and negatively. Use a good diet and exercise program to keep you motivated and happy. Don’t worry about pleasing everyone else. Just make sure you are happy. You are the one that goes to bed and wakes up in the morning only to see your reflection in the mirror. What are you projecting about yourself in that mirror? Are you projecting someone who is happy or someone who can’t get through the day without faking a smile?
Finally, let it go. Without sounding like the song “Let It Go” from Frozen, it’s really important not to hold onto drama. Drama and baggage go hand in hand. You will have a much less stressful life if you are able to let go of the things that bring you down. Change your focus. Look for the healthier things in life that you can do to deal with the stress of being ghosted and if you are able to let it go, then use the experiences to learn from so that the pattern is less likely to repeat.