Closure doesn’t always happen

Most of us can relate to this.

How many of you have been ghosted? Yep. Yep. Yep. Been there more times than I can count. I’ve always been a very giving person. Sometimes to a fault. That doesn’t mean that I have to like it. Have any of you ever been in a relationship and didn’t get the closure that you needed to move on? What about have you ever been pushed out of a job for something that you have no idea what happened or who was involved? I have.

Have you ever poured your heart out to someone and left the ball in their court only to be ignored and not given the closure that you desperately needed? Yep. Been there too. What about friendships that you thought were truly going to be there and all of a sudden your so called friends stop talking to you. They move on with their lives and you wonder what the hell you did to deserve the alienation?

You aren’t alone. There are so many instances where I’ve been ghosted or didn’t get the closure I needed badly. So what do you do when you can’t get the closure you crave? For one thing, Stop giving the other person or situation your time. When you dwell on things, you are allowing yourself to be invested in whatever situation has occurred. You are worth more than that. The more you focus on what you lost, the more you don’t focus on you.

What are you doing that might be causing the folks to ghost or alienate you? Most of us ignore the red flags that are right in front of our face. We are so involved in our own day to day MO that we forget to pay attention to ourselves and what we may do to cause our friends to walk away.

When you have had enough, walk away. You can determine the closure you need.

Stop trying to please everyone. It won’t work. When you aren’t willing to validate your own experiences and look for praise from everyone, you start to lose sight of the real issue. If anything, this can make you look excessively needy and give others a reason to steer clear of you.

Don’t blame yourself. Look, if you are in a toxic relationship, you can’t expect the other person to give you praise when all they do is create an unhealthy environment. More than likely that person can’t get the closure they need and in turn won’t be able to give you what you need.

Quit dealing with daydreams and learn to exist in reality. The world isn’t perfect. If you are waiting on the dashing knight to slay your demons and rescue you, then you are in the wrong book. It’s good to start looking at life differently. I waited for closure for a very long time before I finally realized that the only closure I needed was to close the book on closure. I won’t get it from others. I can only give it to myself. I will never know the answers. What I do know is that when I spend my time dwelling on what others did, then I am not making wise use of the time I have left. So to those who have wronged me in the past, Karma baby. To those I’ve wronged, I’ve gotten karma quite a bit. Now I just focus on me. After all, no one else can fix me. I’m the only one who can do that. The hardest part is remembering that we can’t fix other people the way that we think we should. Life is never easy. It is frustrating and confusing but it’s necessary in order to be able to maintain a healthy mindset. Give yourself credit for what you can do and move on. You may never get the answers you want, but if you don’t dwell on the negative things, you can always find answers to things you need. Closure may not be something you can attain but you can create closure for yourself. Give yourself the closure you need to walk away from the toxicity.

The truth is that people will hurt us in our lives. The question becomes do we give them the power to continue the pain or do we close the book on their ability to cause more distress?

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